The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
