I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
