2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
