my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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