I didn't shave. On purpose
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
