eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
