is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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