Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
