Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want to be your penis for a week.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
