We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
