Just fell off a train. Bad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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