At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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