so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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