apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
