Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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