I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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