You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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