sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My hand turned me down
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
