Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
