I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
