My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
