Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
...so i touched it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
