Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
