His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
