Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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