So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
