I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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