We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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