You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
