Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
