South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
