my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
