I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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