Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
