i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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