imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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