Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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