we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
