that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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