If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
