who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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