i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
