Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
