I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
