my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
