the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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