What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
