So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
