I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
50% drunk capacity currently
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
