i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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