I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
