Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
