Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
