a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
